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Technological Surrealism / Alec Nerds Out

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

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Microwaves are funny things. People are terribly superstitious about them, probably because of the word “radiation” or because they act insivibly on food and people find that creepy. I have friends who won’t stand in front of a microwave while it’s running. The urban legends aren’t all false, though: at least two people have been […]

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Coathangers breed in closets. In drawers, it’s chopsticks. In pockets, at least until recently, pennies. Presumably the universe avoids breaking the laws of physics through some complicated system involving lost socks. These mysteries have yet to be solved. When you deal with computers, it’s mice and wall warts. They fill boxes and desks and spill […]

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Ingo (a friend) and I have been batting around ideas for Freudian crosswords. The original idea was this… …but the story of the 1996 American Presidential election crossword stuck in my mind. This led me to a second formulation of the Freudian crossword puzzle. It’s admittedly nowhere near as clever as the New York Times, […]

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I have long been meaning to work on some 8-track related projects. At long last intention grew to overpower inertia and I went looking for some raw materials. I was met with some surprises. First, in the hiatus since I last went looking for old gear, many of my usual haunts have ceased to exist: […]

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You can’t wash the Internet’s mouth out with soap. Or, to switch metaphors, don’t mud-wrestle with a pig; you’ll both get dirty and the pig will enjoy it. Running a service on the Internet that allows humans (or dogs) to post their own content sets you up for a thankless job. Foremost you need to […]

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My mom gave my daughter a copy of Curious George and the Rocket, a board book describing the lovable monkey’s voyage into space and commemoration as the first monkey in space: The plot runs a very close parallel to the story of Albert II, the real-life first monkey in space. Until about 4 pages before […]

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I mentioned earlier that I got hold of the list of all 107 million dot-com domain names. It’s a pretty fun corpus to crunch for hilarious accidents of fate. Some unfortunate misparsings: Lap To Piss Low What Doe Snot Kill Me Yell Ow Pages Butt Hats Not All Ski Town Snot Ice Anus Ham Dance […]

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A friend once posited the existence of a shadowy organization responsible for perverting language into the malevolent and confusing thing that it is. Perhaps language was once pure and intuitive until this secret society, perceiving the power it could gain from creating ambiguity and confusion, acted to twist it. How else can one explain the […]

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The dot-com zone file is the master list of .com domain names. It’s maintained by Verisign and available for the price of asking. I’ve been a long-time visitor to Popeye Marine, apparently now known as Popeye’s Catalog Shop and historically called Popeye Sailor’s Exchange. It’s a sailor’s scrapyard, where unusual people go to paw through […]

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In December I played a Christmas gig with The Elixxxirs. This was going to be a fun night for me — I planned to start by hoisting a beer at noon with a hundred Santas or so, then arrive late and drunk at the bar where someone else would be providing a drum set which […]